The Trouble with Love
by Yemam2422
Summary: Jackson/Ramona. Jackson and Ramona have just graduated college and are confronted with new feelings about each other.
1. Chapter 1

_"Congratulations Ramona & Jackson Class of 2023!"_

The bright green and orange banner hung across the living room banister. Balloons wafted throughout the room, life size photos of Ramona and Jackson stood on either side of the staircase. Cupcakes in the shape of graduation caps covered an entire table. It was all a bit over the top but some things in life never changed, "Doing It Gibbler Style" being one of them. Ramona loved her mother for it.

Ramona's diploma from FIDM was perched on another table. "The most expensive pieced of paper in the world," her mom had called it. She'd inherited her mom's passion for fashion – though with what she hoped was a more sophisticated taste level - and fell in love with jewelry design. Jackson's USC prelaw degree stood next to hers. It took him a while to find out what he was passionate about but after volunteering with the Innocence Project for one semester he found his calling.

Every corner of the living room and kitchen was filled with generations of Fullers, Gibblers and Tanners, celebrating the important milestone college graduation represented. Ramona was thrilled to start the next phase of her life, but she had something else very important in mind to do during this party. Something that could be even more life changing. Something to do with Jackson.

Ramona and Jackson spent most of their high school years as frenemies, but as they matured so did their relationship. While they'd created their own separate lives at college in Los Angeles, they were together constantly, exploring the city, establishing their favorite spots to hang out, study, and talk. L.A. created their lifestyle and they had a blast. They'd seen each other at their worst after one too many drinks and been confidants through the ups and downs of college life.

As their senior year approached, they knew everything there was to know about each other. Ramona had grown to cherish their time together, and his friendship meant a lot to her. So, when Jackson announced he'd be spending his last semester abroad in Paris she was surprised…and some other feeling settled in her that she couldn't quite place. They hadn't had too many conversations about the future but she never imagined him so far away.

Maybe that saying about distance makes the heart grow fonder was true, but Ramona immediately missed Jackson. With him gone everything felt muted and time stretched. Minutes felt like hours, days like months. No matter where she was or what she was doing she found herself distracted, watching the clock, thinking how slowly time was moving. She tried to stop thinking about Jackson but that only made her realize how he'd been one of the first people she'd thought of each morning and one of the last that drifted through her mind as she went to sleep.

She constantly checked Instagram and SnapChat for updates. She'd pull up the weather forecast for Paris, calculate the time difference and wonder what Jackson was doing. With every selfie and filtered picture of his adventure, longing would well up inside her, sharp and strong. She wanted to be there with him.

They'd essentially shared the last nine years of their lives together. He'd seen her through her parents' tumultuous relationship and almost-reconciliations. She'd been there for him when he missed his dad, Father's Day always being one of the hardest days of the year for him. There had been plenty of good times too. She smiled at the memory of them spending the day at the Getty museum and their In N Out Burger eating contests. The past few years had been as close to pure happiness as Ramona could remember. And it was because of him.

One day, as Ramona sat by herself at her and Jackson's favorite spot on the beach, she realized, plain and simple, he had gotten to her. Plain and simple she wanted to be _with_ him. Somehow, some way she had accidentally fallen in love with Jackson Fuller.

She'd asked herself a million times how this could have happened. But the more time she spent thinking about it the more reasonable the explanation became. No woman could resist Jackson's smile, his thoughtfulness, his charm. There was no shame in falling for a guy like Jackson, no matter how it happened.

The realization hit her hard. She didn't exactly know when or how but it was powerful, this…thing she felt. Nothing like she'd experienced with the boys she'd met and dated in college. Maybe that's why none of her relationships had worked. All she really knew was that whatever friendship she and Jackson had before had deepened into something more. She knew it was crazy. But the more she thought about it, the more possible it seemed.

She gave the feelings time to see if they'd go away but instead they grew, which scared her. Ramona was scared of how strong Jackson's pull on her had become without her even knowing. Mostly, she was scared of falling madly, deeply in love.

While these new feelings clanked around in her mind like heavy chains, Ramona kept everything normal on the surface. But she was distracted. Thoughts of Jackson invaded her thoughts at unusual times. Once when she was home for a weekend her mom pointed out her odd behavior.

"You look awful," her mom said with a smile over lunch during a girl's day.

"Geez, thanks mom," Ramona teased.

"Seriously, is everything okay? You haven't seemed like yourself."

It was so tempting to be honest with her mom, to take the weight of the world off her shoulders. She never kept anything from her mom, but her feelings were so new and strange that she was afraid to say them out loud. She wasn't ready. Not yet.

"I'm just tired. Classes have been hard this year."

"But you love it?"

The word love hit her hard, so she didn't look at her mom when she replied, "Definitely."

She knew she was acting like a love-sick teenager, she knew it was all one-sided at this point. Maybe this connection she felt with Jackson was all in her imagination, she wasn't so far-gone that she didn't recognize that. But she knew she had to do something about it.

She also knew this graduation party was her chance to be honest with him. Her plan was a simple one. When they had quiet a moment – which she knew would be hard to find – she'd pull him aside, maybe they'd go for a walk, and come clean. Let him know how much she missed him, and let him know about her feelings.

With two parents who often acted like children, she was used to being an adult early in her life. So she would be mature about this. She prepared, imagined what it would be like to see him, practiced the words she would say. She'd always been strong and independent so she vowed not to run from her fears. That had never been her style. And she was definitely afraid. Afraid that she'll say those words to Jackson and he'd look through her like she didn't matter.

Despite her preparation, what she hadn't anticipated was Jackson there with a fiancé, which was exactly what she encountered when he came through the door hand-in-hand with a tall, blond, beautiful woman named Ellie.

The next moments were a blur. Jackson had barely walked in when he shouted, "Everyone, we're engaged!"

The whole room seemed to rush to them at the entrance stairs, sharing hugs, kisses and questions. It took her a moment to register what she'd seen and heard. Then came the pain. In a strange state of paralysis, Ramona moved with the mob and ended up in front of the couple.

It was the first time seeing Jackson live and in-person in six months and her eyes bounced all around him at once. His hair was longer, he was wearing simple jeans and a tshirt, but cut in a way that was definitely European. He pulled her into a bear hug and she experienced a mix of relief, joy and hurt all in one heartbeat. Words stumbled and died on her tongue, so she covered her sudden lack of command of the English language with a ridiculously large, fake smile.

"Hi Ramona," Ellie said. "So nice to meet you. I've heard so much about you."

Ramona considered it a personal triumph that she kept her face empty of emotion while her insides secretly crumbled to pieces, that she happily greeted Ellie and Jackson, feigned interest in how they had met in Paris and their whirlwind love affair, and asked about his proposal at the Eiffel Tower. Jackson answered in rapid-fire speed, they way he always did when he was excited.

Sure, she'd seen Jackson with women before. But his relationships never lasted more than six months. So with each new girl she knew it would be just a matter of time before he found some reason or other to end it. His last relationship had ended because the girl was too clingy. The girl before that was too serious too fast.

But now he was engaged? She didn't remember ever seeing any photos of Ellie and he'd never once mentioned that he was seeing someone when they talked – almost every week. Why the big secret? He was always busy when they FaceTimed, always on his way somewhere or studying so their conversations were always shorter than she wanted. And now she knew why. She felt territorial and jealous. Both emotions caught her off guard.

Every moment of that party was excruciatingly endless torture. Seeing Jackson with Ellie made her stomach tie in knots, but she couldn't help but find them out of the corner of her eye no matter where she was in the party. The two of them talking, holding hands, him putting his hands on her waist. She noticed how close they stood, how affectionate they were, how he rubbed her back, how she kissed his neck. She forced herself to look away. She should be happy for Jackson but she selfishly couldn't muster it.

Even though everything about Ellie – her unbelievably flawless skin, seemingly unnatural cheer – made Ramona want to tackle her, Ramona knew that wasn't fair. She was irritated at how she felt. To feel heartbroken over this was completely foolish.

When it was polite enough to do so, she snuck upstairs and locked herself in her childhood bedroom to absorb her sadness in solitude. She looked at herself in the bathroom mirror, the same one where she would record her "Ramona's World" vlogs and scrutinized her reflection. Plenty of things had changed since those days. She'd grown her hair long and gone with bangs. She was still petite and slender but when she walked into a room people usually noticed her just too big brown eyes, full lips thought that mattered little to her. Another thing she'd learned from her Mom was to be confident in her skin and she was.

Ramona was light years away from the scrawny girl she's been when they first moved into the Fuller house. But is that who Jackson still saw in her? A bratty teenager? The little girl who stole his birthday presents? She liked to think her habit of picking raisins out of raisin bread was endearing but maybe he thought it was annoying. Sure, she still spoke her mind, and always would, but Jackson always told her how he appreciated her "spunk."

As Ramona curled up onto her bed with a pillow she longed for someone of her own. Not just anyone, but that special someone. What had she been thinking? That Jackson was that special someone? She'd been a complete and utter fool. Convincing herself that maybe they… she stopped herself mid thought. It was ridiculous. She had set herself up for this disappointment. She knew that. She had been completely, utterly wrong. There was nothing between them. But knowing that still didn't make things hurt any less.

She didn't sleep well that night and the next day she felt hungover even tough she'd barely had anything to drink. An emotional hangover. She had no appetite and mostly felt sad and lonely and disappointed.

She walked down the back stairs to the kitchen, hoping to enjoy a cup of coffee before the rest of the house woke up and each room was filled with the chaos of every member of the Fuller, Gibbler, Tanner and Kastapoulous families. As she reached the last step she saw Jackson already at the counter. Shit.

"Good morning," she said neutrally. She was certain he could see her racing heart through her skin, hear it's thunderous beat from across the room. "You're up early."

"I'm taking Ellie on a tour of San Francisco today. It's her first time here and we're going to explore the city. I want to make sure we see it all before we have to leave. You should join us. We barely got a chance to talk yesterday."

"Oh…no…thanks," Ramona stuttered, grasping for an excuse. "I promised my mom I'd spend time with her today," she lied.

"Bummer," Jackson replied, distracted by the picnic he was packing, filling a basket with fruit, sandwiches and pretzels.

"Ellie seems like a nice girl," she said truthfully, figuring she would need to acknowledge her eventually. All she knew about her was that she was from Texas and was pursuing a career in music. She planned to move to L.A. to do that just that, moving in with Jackson who'd been accepted to UCLA Law School.

"Yeah, she really is. I can't wait for you to spend time with her," Jackson said.

Ramona tried to think of something to say that would steer the conversation away from Ellie, but instead she plowed ahead with what was on her mind. She could never bite her tongue.

"This is all happening so fast. Don't you think you should slow things down?"

"What do you mean?" Jackson finally paused, looked directly at her.

"I mean, how much do you really know about Ellie? Don't you think you're rushing things just a little?"

"You have no idea what you're talking about" Jackson replied, an edge of anger in his voice.

"Jackson, I don't mean to upset you," Ramona was speaking from her heart now, her jealousy pushed far aside. "I'm a product of a dysfunctional marriage. You know what it was like with my parents. I know what it's like to be a part of a messed up family. I want something better for you. I want you to be happy."

"You know what I think, Ramona?" Jackson was furious now, his voice rising, a scowl flashing across his face, his finger pointed right at her. "I think you have no idea what's it's like to be in love."

Jackson was wrong. Ramona knew what love was, how it could turn you inside out. She also knew what a terrible thing it was to have that love unreturned.

And with that blow to her heart, Ramona knew she had to leave. It was time to leave her silly fantasy behind and move on. Jackson didn't love her. That knowledge seeped into her like poison, replacing the flimsy fantasy of love she'd let build up inside her.

 _To Be Continued_


	2. Chapter 2

**Summer 2024**

Ramona was nervous as she approached 1709 Broderick Street. The white house with red door had been her home for five years. She'd gone through so many ups and downs there, had so many memories. Mostly good, some bad. Even though it was her favorite place in the world she'd gone halfway around the world to London to get away from there…and him.

But when the "she wolf" pack decided to host the first annual Tanner-Fuller-Gibbler-Gladstone-Katsopolis Family reunion she knew there was no excuse - real or fabricated - that would get her out of coming back to San Francisco. Besides, she was looking forward to seeing everyone.

She'd been so angry when they first moved into the Fuller's house, and squirmed at the memories of how bratty she'd been. But she was an immature teenager then. Now, she wouldn't change a single thing. Cleanie, Dreamie and Weenie had become her family. She talked to Stephanie every week, Max and Tommy were like her own brothers, and DJ like a second mom.

And as for Jackson, well…that was a whole other story.

The appearance of Jackson with Ellie had been one of the more upsetting shocks of her life. Prior to that she'd counted down the days, hours, minutes to seeing him. Now she spent her time avoiding him, making physical distance the cure to the hurt in her heart.

They'd both stormed out of the kitchen after arguing about Ellie, their tempers and pride getting the better of them. She'd spent most of the day by herself at Golden Gate Park, and by the time the sun was setting she had reigned in her emotions and knew she had stepped out of bounds.

She spent half an hour crafting a text to him, almost deleted it a dozen times but finally sent him sixteen words that she hoped would make everything okay.

 _Sorry. What I wanted to say didn't come out right. I am so happy for you_.

What felt like an eternity later, but was only just a few minutes, he replied.

 _I'm sorry too. Let's let it go._ _J_

Ramona grasped at whatever closure she could take from those few words and emoji and determined herself to move on.

Amazingly, the universe was listening. Just a week after that fateful graduation party, she learned about an opening to apprentice with Rosa de La Cruz's fall jewelry line in London, and Ramona jumped at the chance. She hopped on the first plane across the Atlantic and never looked back.

It took more time than she cared to admit for her mood to lift in London. Though the physical distance helped somewhat, Jackson still annoyingly popped into her thoughts. She'd wonder what he was doing. His need for thrills had stayed with him but luckily his hobbies had matured past jumping off roofs. If it was sunny and warm she knew he'd be outside skateboarding or maybe mountain biking. Ellie by his side.

Social media was her worst enemy. Photos popped up in her feed of him smiling at someone who wasn't her, always a fresh blow to gut. She would fall into a trap of studying those photos sometimes, dissecting minute details. Ramona liked to think she was the only person who saw things in the pictures that no one else saw - like his just barely lopsided smile when he wasn't really happy, the way he stood on his tiptoes to seem taller even though he'd grown to six feet tall. All of his quirks were so tender to her.

But she kept her head down, hands busy and her thoughts of Jackson hidden away. She laughed when her mom, Stephanie or DJ teased her about her social life – or lack thereof – or joked over her impossibly high standards.

Ramona thrived professionally and honed her skills under Rosa, who was a wonderful mentor, until she was ready to launch her own line. She was still making a name for herself but a handful of boutiques were carrying her line. The thrill of seeing her displays on High Street never got old.

A honk brought Ramona back to reality and she hesitated at the stoplight even though it was green. One right turn and two blocks away she'd have to face the reality she'd been so diligently avoiding.

As she approached the house she saw Jackson's car in the driveway. He was already there. And certainly he'd have Ellie with him. Great, she thought. Might as well rip the band-aid off all at once. Right?

The house was surprisingly quiet as she entered through front door, using the key she'd held onto all these years. The living room immediately brought a sense of home and comfort that she hadn't quite found yet in London. The room was still mostly unchanged, including the blue and white plaid sofa. Her growling stomach led her through the swinging kitchen doors.

And there he was. Jackson Fuller. He sat at the breakfast table, looking tired, distracted by something on this phone. His hair was longer now, and messy, as if he'd been running his fingers through it constantly. Seeing him hit her so hard she couldn't think straight, her stomach flipped and her mouth dried. She was so keenly aware of him it was slightly disturbing that he hadn't noticed her.

Ramona felt like an imposter. Here she was, standing across from one of her best friends, and she could barely function like a normal human. She was a part of his life from a careful distance. They'd stayed in touch since her move to London, but she used the time difference as an excuse to not return calls more often than was true, used the Instagram "like" button as a replacement for more personal connections, her emails and posts were glossy, filtered versions of the best parts of her life.

Jackson felt like a stranger. She was better than that. He _was_ her friend, after all, and she wanted to know about – and be a part of - his life, even if it included Ellie, even if it hurt like hell.

Ramona steeled herself against the emotions knocking at her heart and silently came up behind him, cupping his eyes with her hands.

"Hey stranger."

"Ramona!" He immediately jumped up off his chair and pulled her into a hug. His smile was genuine, crinkling his entire face, reaching his eyes in a way that made her breath catch in her throat. She'd forgotten how warm and all-encompassing his hugs were. He felt warm and solid, as if he was made just for her. His arms felt bigger, and Ramona remembered that he'd started cross fit. She breathed in his familiar earthy scent, resisted the urge to rest her head on his shoulder.

Jackson pulled her down on the chair next to his at the kitchen table, their legs touching. She ignored the flare of heat that shot up to her stomach. As he always did when he was excited, Jackson fired questions so fast at her she could barely keep up. How was London? How was her jewelry line? Would she be coming back to the states?

Great. Great. Not yet.

"Not really," she said when he asked whether she was seeing anyone. There was one guy she'd been seeing but she'd hardly call it a relationship. Not a real one anyway. He wasn't real for Ramona. He was only a stand in for _him_.

"I'm so happy you're here," he said.

"Me too. Where is everyone, anyway?"

"They're all in the backyard. Steph and mom got into their old argument about who was better at Twister and one thing led to another."

Jackson held her gaze as if studying her face. Ramona squirmed under his stare.

" _What?"_

"Nothing, nothing. It's just…it's really good to see you."

"It's good to see you too," and Ramona meant it. "So, where's Ellie?"

Things had been going well so far with Jackson she might as well try to keep the momentum going with Ellie.

"She's not here…she's actually in New York. She has a meeting with a record label."

Jackson was quiet and his shoulders slumped as he shared this, an unusual contrast to the happy news of Ellie making strides in her music career. Ramona wanted to ask him about it but didn't want to push or overstep her bounds again.

"Oh wow. That's great."

Before they could continue their conversation the kitchen was overwhelmed by DJ, Joey, Jesse, Danny, Rebecca, Stephanie, Max, Tommy and every other member of their families, including her parents as they all streamed in from the back door. Apparently Stephanie had won the game of Twister and it was a momentous occasion depending on who you asked.

The next hours were a whirlwind of people, food, drinks and memories. Everyone mentioned how much they missed Ramona, and she felt each word fill her heart. Her parents dominated her time, which was fine by her. Their FaceTimes calls were hardly a replacement for the real-life thing. She spent a little more time with Jackson who caught her up on his first year of law school, which was hard but he loved it. He didn't mention Ellie, and she didn't ask.

Later in the evening, Ramona was settled into the attic apartment bed, sketching ideas for her jewelry line when Stephanie barged in.

"Hey Ramona. A bunch of us are going to McGee's. Come with us. It will be like old times."

Age hadn't slowed Stephanie down and she was still always the life of the party. Ramona loved McGee's, a local bar that had been a mainstay for their family, each generation making their own memories there. She and Jackson had spent many Thursday nights there themselves in college but she wasn't in the mood to go down memory lane. Seeing him again had been less painful than she'd anticipated, and she didn't want to jeopardize the delicate peace she'd managed to find for herself.

"I don't think so."

Stephanie lunged toward the bed, and pulled her off it. "Please, it won't be the same without you. It'll be fun. I guarantee it."

The way Stephanie was smiling made it impossible to say no.

"Okay, give me five minutes to change."

When their family went out together it was always a bit of a circus – they were loud and rambunctious - but Ramona stopped being embarrassed years ago. They took over a set of empty tables close to the dance floor and a round of drinks was quickly ordered. Ramona slowly slipped one margarita but she noticed Jackson had a fresh drink in his hand at almost every turn.

Stephanie's guarantee was right, it was a fun night. Ramona realized how much she missed her family, how much she missed by being in London. Like how Nicky and Alex actually opened a successful taco truck business. How Tommy was a high school football star. She spent a lot of the night catching up with Max, who had grown into a wonderful young man. The ladies in the group even took over the dance floor when New Kids on the Block came on at Stephanie's request to relive their awesome 90s dance moves. Ramona had such a good time that she even forgot about Jackson until he came up to her at the end of the night and threw his arm around her shoulders.

"Ramona, don't you miss this?" his words were slurred and he swayed as he swung his arm around the room. "London has nothing on San Francisco."'

"Why don't we get you home Jackson? I'll get an Uber."

"What? No way. I'm totally fine."

He swayed again, this time almost bringing both of them perilously close to the floor.

"I don't think so, buddy." With a silent expression to Uncle Jesse, they both managed to cajole him outside and into the Uber. With a bit more effort they got Jackson up into the attic apartment so that Ramona could keep an eye on him until he sobered up.

Ramona went to get some water and Tylenol to help with the inevitable hangover that was on it's way, but Jackson grabbed her arm and turned her to face him.

"You're beautiful," he whispered.

The two words temporarily paralyzed Ramona, hitting her brain and traveling through her bod in a warm flutter. For a split second she relished in the compliment, believed it to be true, believed it to mean something more. Then she came back to reality.

"You're drunk."

"You're still beautiful."

Before she could say anything else he pulled her towards him. He slid one hand around her waist and the other up her arm. She knew he was going to kiss her, the knowledge shooting through every nerve ending in her body. She knew she should stop him but she couldn't…or didn't want to. He pulled her closer and she gave herself over to the pressure of his hands, his mouth. The kiss was tender and sweet, then more urgent.

She'd dreamed of this, sleep being the only time she allowed herself to entertain her feelings about Jackson. His mouth electrified her, made her greedy. Her hands wandered all over his back and under his shirt, needing to be closer to him. Her senses were so scrambled it took her longer than it should have to back away from him.

She looked at him, his eyes drooped, his breathing just as jerky as hers. He looked at her as of she was out of focus and Ramona knew this was a mistake. She took his hand and settled him onto the sofa, taking off his shoes and covering him with a blanket. He immediately fell asleep.

Lying in the bedroom, with a door closed between them, Ramona lay awake for a long time, trying not to replay what just happened. Jackson kissed her. She kissed him back. But he was engaged. And she didn't have feelings for him anymore. Right? The thoughts swirled in her mind, never settling in a way that brought answers. She kept tasting his lips, feeling their warm pressure on hers as she drifted to sleep.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jackson was sitting up on the couch the next morning when Ramona walked from her bedroom, wrapping her terry cloth robe tightly around her body as if it were protective armor. At her entrance he stood up.

"Hey," he said, running his fingers through his hair. He looked exhausted, a little sheepish.

"Hey."

They stared at each other. She tightened the belt on her robe.

"I was a mess last night. I'm sorry. Thanks for taking care of me."

"Sure. No problem. What are friends for?"

With a tired smile she walked past him and down the stairs. If he was going to ignore the kiss then so was she. Maybe he didn't remember. Either way, it meant nothing and she wasn't going to act like it did even though it was permanently imprinted on every cell of her body.

Ramona hung out in the living room with the Rebecca and DJ until she knew Jackson was at the San Francisco Giants game with his brothers before going back up to the attic and changing out of her pajamas. She was folding the blanket left thrown on the couch when a piece of paper fluttered onto the floor. She was about to throw it in the trash when cursive lettering caught her eye.

 ** _Jackson-_**

 ** _I'm signing the record deal in New York. I know what it means for us. I hoped you could come with me…but we both know it won't work. I'll always remember you._**

 ** _Ellie_**

It took Ramona a moment to absorb the words but their meaning quickly made sense. It was so dumb of her to not have seen it earlier, especially since she knew what it was like to have a broken heart. She felt terrible that she hadn't been there for Jackson, that he felt he couldn't talk to her about this. She hesitated only for a moment before moving into action.

Luckily her mom didn't ask any questions when Ramona asked her to work her magic and get her into AT&T Stadium. Just an hour later Ramona was climbing the stairs of the ballpark, remembering the first time she'd been there – playing wingman for Jackson when he wanted to date Lola. She'd been ditched that day, but Ramona and Jackson had gone to many games together since then. He eventually told her about his favorite spot on the top deck, how important it was to him, and the memories he had of his father there.

It was a beautiful day and the Giants were in second place so the park was crowded, but there were still empty seats at the top deck. Ramona eventually found Jackson at the highest row, sitting by himself, his hat pulled low ever his eyes. He was looking out at the field but Ramona could tell from his distant gaze that his mind was a million miles away.

"Everything okay?" she asked as she took the seat next to his. She wasn't sure what she meant by "everything." Everything that happened the night before? Everything that was happening with him and Ellie?

Jackson turned to look at her, surprised for only a second.

"When did you get to know me so well?"

"Well, we practically grew up together."

"No, that's not it. No one else knows me like you do." Jackson was looking at Ramona as if he was seeing her for the firs time, looking directly in her eyes. Ramona blushed, looking away first from their unexpected staring contest. Jackson never answered if he was okay and Ramona didn't push. They sat like that for awhile, saying nothing in comfortable silence.

Ramona watched him from the corner of her eye, leaning back in his seat with his eyes closed. Anguish was evident on his face, in the downturn of his mouth, the droop in his eyes, the slump of his shoulders. She knew it was risky, knew it could be ugly like the last time she pushed him, but she didn't care. Because she cared about him.

"If you love her you should go to New York."

She waited for him to say something but he just looked straight ahead. In the silence, she could make up anything. He hadn't immediately argued. Or accused her of being nosy. That was good. But he hadn't said anything else either.

"Jackson?"

After a deep sigh, he finally responded.

"I'm so confused, Ramona. I thought I knew exactly what I wanted and I thought I had it." Jackson paused, and took a deep breath before continuing, shifting his weight to face her. "Now it seems I want someone I can't have."

Ramona knew that feeling very well. But she didn't share that. Some things, she learned, were better left unsaid. Instead, she replied with encouragement, grateful that Jackson had opened up to her.

"Ellie being in New York doesn't have to be the end of your relationship. You can make it work."

"I wasn't talking about Ellie.

"Who then?"

"You."

Ramona couldn't help her mouth from dropping open; she swallowed hard and leaned back in her seat, stunned. One simple word, but it was heavy, weighing down the air between them. Ramona stared at Jackson for a long time, saying nothing, comprehension escaping her.

"What are you saying?" Ramona finally managed to whisper in a long, slow breath.

"I'm saying that I miss you. I was drunk last night but I don't regret what I said or did. You are beautiful. The most beautiful person I know. Inside and out. I'm saying that I think about you every day. That I wish almost every day that you'll say you're coming back from London. That I realized how much I need you in my life. Want you in my life. That I want us to be friends again. That I want us to be more than friends."

Jackson couldn't mean what he was saying. He was going through a breakup, suffering from a broken heart. He was on the rebound. They'd essentially been strangers for the past year, and their relationship felt so fragile. All these thoughts chased one another in her mind.

"But Ellie." It was all that managed to settle on her tongue.

"This has nothing to do with her."

"How can you say that? She's your fiancé." Ramona refused to let Jackson brush her aside.

"You were right, Ramona."

"About what?"

"That day in the kitchen, at our graduation party. Ellie and I were rushing things, we didn't really know each other. Ellie and I have been having problems for awhile, almost since the beginning. We're just two totally different people in two totally different worlds. We broke off our engagement before she moved to New York. I'm going to wait a few days to tell everyone. I didn't want to ruin the reunion."

Ramona saw the side of Jackson he didn't show often. The sweet, kind side that he used to hide with his J-money persona and her heart melted a little. She'd been pulverized a year ago by something that wasn't meant to be, the same thing that Jackson was now proposing. So as she looked at him, uncertain of what to do in this unexpected moment, she remained determined to deny the emotions that were threatening to drown her, even as tears welled in her eyes. But exhausted from expending so much energy keeping her feelings turned off, and with Jackson so close, saying the words she'd dreamed of hearing, there was no more holding back.

"This is so…complicated. You know that, right?" Ramona could think of no other adjective to describe this thing they were trying to figure out.

"What's complicated about it? There's something between us. Let's see where it goes. It could work. If we let it. What do you say?"

She wanted to say yes, scream it actually, admit to the feelings she'd discovered a year ago, but fear was still too much of what she was feeling.

"You make it sound so easy."

Jackson reached across the seat and took her hand.

"I'll risk getting hurt if you will." A hint of a smile played at the edge as his mouth.

Jackson stood and pulled her toward him. Despite a year apart, being near him like this felt as natural as breathing. She immediately sank into the comfort he offered. He kissed her, and it was different than any other she'd ever had, even from their drunken kiss last night. It was deep and long, tugged at her insides and made her ache. By the end of it she'd forgotten all about being scared and she knew the connection they had was something special, that it could be beautiful.

"Are you sure?" she asked breathlessly.

"I'm sure."

"Me too."

THE END


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